God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
