i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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