Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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