Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
