Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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