i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
