and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
