so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
