Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
