Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
