hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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