no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
