Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
