I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
