I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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