After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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