Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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