Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
