glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
