So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
