just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think I won the penis lottery.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
