You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
