I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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