woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
