i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Randomize
