Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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