oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
