hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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