Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
