Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
