Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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