Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
