The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
