Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
