Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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