Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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