So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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