so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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