She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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