yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
