So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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