He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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