why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
