My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
