i can't believe i had my finger in that
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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