Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i think i just lost a toe
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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