she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
How's work?
Spinning.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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