So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
