let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
