I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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