get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have aggressive nipples.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
