Will you blow on my dice?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
