meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
