He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Pants are for mortals
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
