Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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