he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
