Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
