No awkward lesbian experiences without me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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