Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
