Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
