Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
