Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
