There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize