ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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