I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
