Need sex. Gaining weight.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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