I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
