I didn't shave. On purpose
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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