I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
