You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize