____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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