Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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