also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize