I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
