Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
