i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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