we have pet lesbian snakes
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
