the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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