Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
