she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
