sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
