If i could tip my vagina, i would.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
