Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
People in love make me want to vomit
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
