Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
