Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Randomize
