I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
