I would go down on you faster than GM stock
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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