woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
