So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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