Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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