So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
