he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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