I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I cut my penus on the lid.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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