i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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