I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
