They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I believe in your delicious
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
