I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
