So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
