So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize