That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize