I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
