Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
