there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
