Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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