I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
